I Saw A Film Today… Riddick

riddickTo note: I have not seen Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick prior to viewing Riddick. But, being a firm believer in a good film being able to stand on its own feet, and the fact that this is the only new release at my local (Shut up back there, This is the End), I decided “eh, why not”. Well, I will say I don’t have any plans on watching the two above mentioned films any time soon after seeing this. Even had Pitch Black on my dvr but deleted it. And not because I needed the space.

Riddick (Vin Diesel) wakes up on an unknown desolate desert planet, following the events that took place in The Chronicles of Riddick. With a bum leg and no knowledge of the planet he is on, Riddick must seek refuge and recover.

After becoming accustomed to the planet inhabited by Scorpion-like animals and Jackal-like dogs, one of which he befriends, Riddick decides to move on to a more hospitable region of planet. But when the Squishies (the Scorpion things) begin migrating towards his new home, Riddick decides it is time to leave and sends out an SOS to some bounty hunters who want his head in a box. And then there is some super rad action stuff occasionally.

Riddick is much like Vin Diesel himself. It is slow, lumbering, dull, and out of date. This film clocks in a minute shy of two hours, and you feel every minute of that time frame. It never really finds a pace above a sloth’s crawl, which would be fine I guess if it was not so terribly boring. There is action, if you want to call it that, but nothing that entertains or has not been seen before.

It is an incredibly stupid film as well. Writing this script must have been extremely easy. “I dunno, just make it sound a little philosophical while making him sound totally cool”. “Should that guy say anything more than “that ain’t cool, bro”? Nah, I didn’t think so”. “Should Katee Sackhoff ever say more than one sentence at a time? No? Ok”.

And I imagine that said script sat on a shelf for years before production. Because this films feels like it should have come out circa 2005. It’s a super macho film, minus the Red Bull and Tap-Out shirts. Not just macho, but a total sausage fest. There were at most six women in this film, and that’s a pretty generous number. And ff the six females who make an appearance in this film, only one of them doesn’t get naked at some point. And that’s because she got shot and was introduced for no reason really. Four others were only in the film for a total of twenty seconds.

To give credit to Vin Diesel, he is a rather resourceful guy. How he made this film a possibility is pretty clever. But Glob is he a terrible actor. I honestly cringed every time he opened his mouth to crack a joke. And I was excited when I learned that Katee Sackhoff was going to be in this. Sadly, as I said in the previous paragraph, this is a dude film. She is a tough character, but in the end she is only in this film because she has large breast. As for the rest of the cast, they are incredibly forgettable.

From what I have gathered from people who have seen all three films is that this is more or less the same as Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick. Which is sad to me. Hopefully this will be the last of the saga of Riddick… but I doubt it.

Verdict: Skip it!

* Rated R for strong violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity. 119 minutes. Directed by David Twohy (Pitch Black, The Chronicles of Riddick).

** Poster by Unknown. If this is your poster, let me know so I can give you credit.

*** Thanks to Cody for seeing this with me. Hopefully the quality of film will pick up soon.


3 Responses to “I Saw A Film Today… Riddick”

  1. But Vin Diesel is so freaking attractive. And those eyes

  2. Not a smart movie by any means, but still a fun one. However, it is mainly for people who seemed to enjoy the last two installments and that about being it. Good review Kev.

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