I Saw A Film Today… Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Michael Bay’s adaptation of Transformers has not always been a favorite of mine.  The first one was a great deal of fun. Again, we are talking about Michael Bay so you do leave your brain at the door and ignore the fact that there is little plot. Then there was Revenge of the Fallen. It was so confusing and mindless that I only made it twenty minutes into it. Now Bay has brought forward Transformers: Dark of the Moon, a film that combines a little of both.

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On July 20, 1969, Apollo 11 landed on the moon. Most know this. Then again, with the state of the American education system today, some may not. But that is off topic. What is not known is that Apollo 11 was actually a mission to retrieve an alien spaceship. The spaceship belongs to an Autobot named Sentinel Prime who is carrying an important payload.

Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is in a bit of a rut. True, he did upgrade to another new brain-dead supermodel girlfriend (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) but he really just wants recognition for what he calls “saving the world”. If I’m not mistaken, I thought the Autobots did most of the work.

Then some conspiracy theories are brought to Sam’s attention, some betrayals take place and all of a sudden the great city of Chicago is the hostage of the Decepticons. Then all hell breaks loose as the Autobots and humans try to reclaim the city from the Decepticons. Typical Bay mayhem ensues.

If that last paragraph seemed a bit hectic to you, then you get the general idea of how the last hour of this film is. It is a Red Bull induced sprint through the ruined streets of Chi-Town that could have been trimmed down by about thirty minutes. Dodging plot holes is another task. One minute the Decepticons plan on enslaving all of humanity, the next they are blowing their enslaved workforce to pieces.

To make points about the plot of this film would be pointless. This is a Michael Bay film-plot isn’t important. Everything is just an avenue to the next explosion or action sequence. In fact, Bay changes or alters world history more than Wikipedia. Or Sarah Palin.

Dialogue for the most part is Shia LaBeouf screaming phrases like “look out!” and people (and robots) looking off into the distance and saying something in an epic tone. And Rosie Huntington-Whitely may be an upgrade in physical beauty compared to Megan Fox, but she is just about on the same level in the acting department. Maybe worse.

People coming to see this film already know what they are getting. They come for a visual thrill ride and in this department Bay delivers greatly. He assaults you with so much intense action and heart-pounding sequences that you feel like he has violated your brain, which is what they want. And unlike his previous film, you can actually make out what is happening in this one. Leave your brain at the door and buckle in for a wild ride because your conductor is Mr. Bay.

Verdict: SEE IT if you’re a Bay or Transformers fan, SKIP IT for anything else.

That’s my verdict, now to hear yours. leave comments and opinions below.

I Saw A Film Today… Sucker Punch

Zack Snyder parallels M. Night Shyamalan in some aspects. He started off strong with early releases like the remake of Dawn of The Dead (although a good film I still feel it shouldn’t share the same name as the George A. Romero masterpiece) and the graphic novel adaptations of Watchmen and 300. But everything from here on just seems to go down hill. Or in Snyder’s case, kicked off a cliff. I believe his Achilles heel is all visuals, no substance. So did he try to fix this issue in Sucker Punch, his latest release? Unfortunately no.

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Baby Doll’s (Emily Browning, and yes the names do get worse from here on) life just sucks. First her stepfather kills her mother. Then while trying to protect her sister from said devil, she accidentally shoots her instead.

Baby Doll then ends up in a mental hospital where she is to be lobotomized so she can’t tell the authorities what really happened to her sister. To cope with her troubled reality, Baby Doll retreats into a fantasy world where she is a prostitute at a brothel. Not really much of a “fantasy” world if I’m honest.

It is here Bab’s meets other girls just as broken as her. She decides that escape is the only option. She once again slips into another fantasy world where she will “acquire” the tools necessary to escape. These fantasy worlds actually don’t serve a purpose nor move the “story” along in any way. These worlds range from fighting in WWII against steampunk zombie Nazi’s (with modern weapons I might add) to fighting a dragon to disarming a bomb on a train on one of Saturn’s moons apparently.

There is no point summarizing the rest of this film. For one there is no story to summarize and second I believe my I.Q. would drop if I went on. From the first frame of this mindless adventure you are saturated with CGI landscapes filled with explosions and slow motion action sequences that serve no purpose other than to say “hey, look what I can do with a computer!”.

All of Synder’s themes are present here: Martial Arts, stylized action, rape, and most notably, sexism. The strong suit of this film should have been young females showing how tough they are. Instead we are left with women treated like animals and wearing skimpy outfits throughout that void real world application. I mean who wears short skirts and fish net stockings while fighting a giant samurai or battle undead Germans? The characters only serve as jailbait for young boys and creepy old men.

There really is no reason to mention performances either. There are none. The most interesting character is the orderly/pimp Blue Jones (Oscar Issac). And at first the almost David Carradine-esque Wise man is interesting but even he falls to stereotype. Not even my general liking of Jena Malone could keep me interested during this dribble.

I’m still confused as to who Snyder was marketing this film to. Is it for fanboys hoping for a live action graphic novel or trade paperback? Is it softcore pornography for young teenage boys who could not sneak into a R-rated film? Is it for people who have actually had a lobotomy? I don’t know. I do know it ends up catering to no one in particular.

Verdict: SKIP IT!

So did you see Sucker Punch. Did it knock you out or punch you right in the downstairs region. Don’t be shy, leave comments and opinions below.

I Saw A Film Today… The Mechanic

I never truly knew how good marketing groups were until the poster and standee for The Mechanic was put up at the theater I work at. Nearly one out of every four people who walked by it said “Oh, that looks like a good film!” There was no trailer available for this film at that time. All there was is the poster you see to your left. How can someone say “that looks like a good film” based upon this? But now that it has been released, the real question is: does the poster match the movie?

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Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham) is a Mechanic. But not the kind that you are thinking of. A “mechanic” is code for a wet-man or hitman. And as is the standard for action films, Arthur is the best (I mean, who want to follow the story of the number two?). Arthur does his job, lives in a secluded New Orleans modern home, and is attracted to a pretty prostitute (Mini Anden). Life is good.

But that does not last long because Arthur is told he must kill his friend and mentor Harry (Donald Sutherland). Arthur does so and thinks he can go back to his normal routine. Then enters Steve (Ben Foster), Harry’s screw up of a son, who decides that he wants to be just like Arthur. Feeling obligated to help him out, Arthur decides to show him the ropes.

The two embark on a few missions together, Arthur being professional as always. Steve spends his time drinking enough alcohol to impress Charlie Sheen and doing the opposite of what Arthur says. But things begin spiraling out of control after one botched job. Was Arthur set up by his own organization? Will Steve find out Arthur’s dirty secret?

When people come to see The Mechanic, they don’t come expecting a deep character study. They expect a typical mindless action film. And The Mechanic delivers this with plenty of action, a dash of explosions, and a pinch of sexuality for everyone. It has everything that defines an action film and does it in style.

Jason Statham is the usual calm and collected killer that has made him an action icon. In truth he is just a clone of Frank Martin from The Transporter series of movies. I’m not say that this is not entertaining, I’m just saying it would be nice for the man to bring a little flavor to the genre every once in a while. As for Ben Foster, he does well in his role, although I found him a little annoying.

In the end, The Mechanic delivers what you expect and keeps you entertained until the end. It’s not the best action film released recently but it is certainly better than most (uh hum, Green Hornet).

Verdict: RENT IT!

Leave your thoughts and opinions below. They are very much appreciated.